Let Go
by The Writer Who Is
Summary: Though many days have come and gone, I still remember her and what might have been. I will love her forever and always. (Written from Iceland's P.O.V. - NO yaoi/yuri, and sexual themes will NOT arise in this fic. Rated K plus because I'm paranoid.)
1. Introduction

_Disclaimer - I do not own Hetalia nor anything associated with Hetalia._

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_"How terrible it is to love something death can touch." __-Source Unknown_

As a nation, the ability to love is difficult and at times complicated to keep a hold of. From the moment you are created, it is obvious you were born of an idea; normally a single thought that turned into action, you can expect to be whirled into a void of chaos. You turn to your creators in search of an answer to your existence. _Why am I here?_ You plead with a thousand words that fall silent, meaning nothing more than an innocent inquiry of a child. _Tell me._

Your creators never answer.

Years pass, sometimes thousands, with you grabbing hold of anything that will give you solace. You want stability. You don't want change anymore. You seek for something greater than yourself, something you can look towards, but fall short of finding that answer. You realise that you have to let go. You have to watch as the world you know becomes the world once knew, only to look towards another world you will know. Then you have to force yourself to repeat the cycle, over and over and over again.

Until you lose yourself entirely.

* * *

It has been many years since I last saw her. She was still full of light and love, something so foreign to me in my current situation.

I lay back in my chair and gaze out of the frozen window of my 2 story apartment. The ice has skated it's way along the corners, creating intricate designs that seemed to be skirting around the center of the window as if it were an ice rink. That takes me back to nostalgic memories, and I couldn't help but let years of suppressed tears escape their prisons.

_I love her._


	2. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer - I do not own Hetalia nor anything associated with Hetalia._

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**[17th June 1937]**

_"The first time I read an excellent work, it is to me just as if I gained a new friend; and when I read over a book I have perused before, it resembles the meeting of an old one." - Oliver Goldsmith_

To my dismay, I was not awoken with silence as I normally am. Instead, an annoying ringing could be heard coming from my study. Begrudgingly, I sighed and swung my legs out of bed semi-swiftly only to have my feet met with cold wooden floors.

With a deep breath I rose and began to make my way to my study, where the ringing could still be heard. I was still shuffling drowsily when I made it there, and in turn, the phone sitting on the corner of my desk.

Mustering up the most official sounding voice I possessed, I picked up the receiver;

"Hello?" _What do you want?_

The formal voice on the other end of the phone was my boss. I rubbed my eyes with one hand and held the chilly receiver to my ear with the other.

"I apologise, I had a lot of paperwork last night and did not get to bed until late -" _I have not had paperwork for a week. Last night was no different._

"Yes sir, I apologise."_ I am not really sorry._

"No sir, it will not occur again."_ It will. It always does._

He was spouting off about this being the second time he called, and then his tone softened slightly, curtness kept, and he told me to meet him at his office in half an hour.

"I will be there presently, sir."_ In good time._

"Yes. Goodbye, sir." _I only wish it were so sometimes._

With a heavy sigh, I put the receiver back on the phone with a -thunk!- and turned around to return to my bedroom. Thoughts of annoyance swirled around my head as always.

Why does everyone need me? Why can't they handle their problems themselves? Always bothering me. If I weren't a nation then I wouldn't have these problems. I could enjoy life as they do, push my problems onto some other unlucky soul. Not having the weight of thousands of people's concerns on my shoulders. Just what I want, what is best for me. No one to decide that for me...

During these moments I wish I were a human.

With a huff, I began to change into semi-formal apparel. I am going to a meeting at 09:00, I might as well take a stroll around town whilst I am at it. I cleared my mind and began to go into business mode. Which mainly consisted of telling people things and making your actions reflect just the opposite.

It's always the same.

* * *

**[12:00, later that day...]**

My body was aching from all the sitting and standing done during the meeting. I thought to myself; I don't know which is worse - waiting for the meetings to begin, or waiting for the meetings to end.

Since it was lunch-time, I decided to go to a near-by coffee shop to purchase coffee and a sandwich.

I was there in no time, second person in line. I pretended to look busy by scrutinizing the menu, the same activity I perform whenever I come in for coffee. But my eye caught something other than "Today's Special".

I turned my head just enough to see a young girl sitting at a table by herself. She was reading a book and drinking what looked like tea. She was very beautiful...She was dressed in a white jacket and black skirt. She had pallid skin that had a healthy glow to it, and pale blonde locks. I couldn't make out the colour of her eyes, until right when she seemed to notice my gaze resting on her, and looked up. Ice Blue.

"Excuse me, sir. You are next in line."

I was jolted from my gaze by the cashier. I looked as though I was caught in the path of a speeding car. I strode up to the counter and in an impatient tone (mostly out of embarrassment) I ordered my coffee and paid the cashier. She gave me my order when the transaction was done and I turned my head to see the girl, but she was nowhere to be seen. I jerked my head around the shop and saw her leaving out the exit.

On impulse I tripped over my own two feet, narrowly avoiding spilling my coffee, trying to catch her before she left. I had the desire to speak with her for some reason. I just had to talk to her once.

In the end, I only bought coffee.

* * *

I caught up to her, my footsteps making a barely audible crunching noise upon the ground as I followed. She did not seem to notice me, which both relieved me and made me all the more desperate to catch her attention. I frantically searched for the right words to use and found I knew none. My social interactions are very few, and almost always formal, so my knowledge of casual, and pleasant, conversation was very limited.

Before I could decide on what I could say, I noticed she had turned around a corner, and when I saw her destination I began to panic a little. The bus stop...

This would not have been a problem if the bus had not been there yet, but lo and behold, it was running on schedule today, of all days, of all moments. I realised then I had two choices: Give up and go home, only to curse myself later for the meeting I would never have with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, or, follow her onto the bus, probably causing her to think I am a stalker and get arrested? I'll choose the latter.

She entered the bus, and I followed after her, paying my fair, and scoping out a seat. I let an awkward, over-joyed smile cross my face as I saw her sit down with an open seat next to her - the only open seat left on the bus. Taking a deep gulp of air, I swallowed hard and slowly made my way to the seat.

As soon as I reached the empty space next to her, the bus roared into motion, and I only had a short amount of time to latch onto the railing before falling into the seat with a loud -oof!-.

Embarrassed, I waited to see the girl looking at me with distaste and jerk her head away, but instead, I heard a light laughing.

"Are you alright?" I heard through her giggling.

I wanted to mentally slap myself when what came out of my mouth was "Is this seat taken?".

That only caused more laughter from her, and my face to become even redder.

"My name is Sóley. Sóley Þöll Sveinsdóttir."

"Steinsson. My name is Emil Steinsson." I exhaled as she smiled.

Thus, begins my story.


	3. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer - I do not own Hetalia nor anything associated with Hetalia._

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**[18th June 1937]**

On the bus Sóley had given me her word that she would meet me at the same bus stop at 14:30 today. I had ridden the bus all the way to her destination, then got off to catch another bus back towards my apartment.

I had never felt so much excitement in all of my life. It felt like I was a new man, my stomach was as light as a feather as I strode towards the bus stop. It was 14:00 and I wanted to be early, only to make sure I was not late. There would be no way I would let this chance slip by. But to my surprise, Sóley was already there. She was dressed in a jacket and skirt, similar to what she had worn the previous day, with a tan hat atop her head. Her blonde hair was in a neat braid that lay between her shoulder blades. She was smiling, gazing my way. She began to wave and I returned the gesture, a big smile plopping itself onto my face.

Sometimes I forget I am a nation.

"How are you?" It was the only greeting I could come up with, as I wasn't sure how to address her.

With an innocent grin she replied;

"Just fine. How are you, Emil?" The way she said my name...The way she said it made my stomach flip. It was like she sang it. No one had ever said my name the way she had.

I swallowed hard and fought the blush I felt creeping up onto my cheeks;

"F-fine. Are you, r-ready?" I wanted to say her name desperately. But I was still too unsure.

She nodded and grinned once more. We began to walk the way I had come, towards the coffee shop where I first saw her.

This time, I remembered the sandwich.


	4. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer - I do not own Hetalia nor anything associated with Hetalia._

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**[22nd June 1937]**

I had been seeing Sóley for a few days and the feelings that I get every time I see her still baffle me. I am always happy, no - I am always elated to see her. It doesn't matter the mood I had previously been in, whenever I see her face, her smile, I can't help but melt under her gaze...

Today was no exception. As we sat in the coffee shop, she was drinking tea and reading a novel. I was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. I continually looked up to see her face, it was so calm yet so happy. I kept my gaze long enough that she looked up at me in turn. She smiled and put her hand underneath her chin and gazed right back at me.

I blushed a little and looked back down at my newspaper, then back up at her, and back down again.

"What?"

I looked up at her again, she was smiling wider and laughing a little bit.

"What?"

I laughed in turn.

This is how we passed the next week. In eachother's company in the small coffee shop. She with her tea and books, me with my coffee and newspapers.

Truth be told, I didn't read a single word.


	5. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer - I do not own Hetalia nor anything associated with Hetalia._

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**[1st July 1937]**

2 weeks. That is how long Sóley and I have known each other. Today will be 2 weeks and 1 day. Today is the day.

I nervously paced small lines at the bus stop where I was to meet Sóley at 14:30, like always, except I brandished a small bouquet in my hands. It was 13:50. I would beat her this time. She comes at 13:55 every day to meet me here. I had to be early though. Today was different.

I inhaled deeply, and exhaled deeply, trying to remember everything I planned to say last night when I returned home from one of our coffee-shop evenings together. I was to greet her as always, and then ask her. Then, she would say yes, and we would live happily ever after. Just like that. Well...I think dating is the first step to matrimony, but I am still not well versed in romantic affairs.

I saw the bus approaching and hid the bouquet swiftly behind my back. I mustered up my last bit of courage as she nearly bounded down the bus steps to meet me.

"Hello Emil! How are you?"

"I am fine, thank you. How are you?" I took in one last, long deep breath as she replied with her melting smile;

"Fine, thank you."

I shut my eyes tightly;

"Sóley."

Her eyes widened slightly when she heard me say her name. I had not used her name once in the 2 weeks we had known each other. I saw colour come to her cheeks and she glanced down at the ground.

I gently pulled the bouquet from behind my back and presented them to her.

"Emil...I-"

She gingerly grabbed it and looked up at me with uncertainty.

"Sóley..." It felt so nice to say her name, finally. "Would you...would you give me the pleasure of becoming my...girlfriend?"

I shut my eyes tightly as I could feel my face heat up quickly and I could feel the sting of rejection ebbing it's way into my heart.

"I was hoping you would ask sometime, Emil."

My eyes shot open and all the colour drained from my face.

"R-really?" Came my airy, disbelieving reply.

"Yes. Now, shall we...go to the coffee shop?" Her smile seemed new again, like it was the first time I had ever seen it.

"N...no. I have something special planned. Is that alright?"

Sóley seemed surprised, but nodded her head. As we walked in the same direction as always, I could feel her standing closer to me than normal. We were rubbing hands, and I went beyond previous barriers I had forged. It was so unfamiliar. It was so different with her, like when we did it, I was reborn that day.

We held hands.


	6. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer - I do not own Hetalia nor anything associated with Hetalia._

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**[15:00 Ice-Skating Rink]**

We arrived at the Ice-Skating rink half an hour after due to a habitual coffee/tea break.

There were no other people there, save for the attendants. The ice rink was undisturbed of other skate trails, a blank canvas ready to be painted. I gripped Sóley's hand slightly tighter and looked down at her with a small smile.

"We are here. Is this alright?"

I could feel her nervousness from her awkward grip on my hand, and I could see the uncertainty in her smiling facade.

We walked to the counter and received our skates. We sat at the bench next to the entrance to the rink, and I tied my skates without delay. Ice skating has been a favourite past-time of mine since it was introduced to me as a child by Lukas, my only blood-related family member. I do not get to skate much, since I have many responsibilities, so I was excited to get on the ice once more.

I looked over at Sóley, who had tied her skates, but still had an air of uncertainty hanging about her.

"Ready?" I asked, holding out my hand to her.

She nodded, gulping, and grasped my hand, standing up with me. Right before we entered the rink, she stopped dead in her shaky tracks.

"E-emil?" Her normally cheery voice was filled with raw nerves.

"What is wrong? Are you alright?"

She grasped the entryway for dear life and took a deep breath.

"I have never ice-skated before. Never." She said this like a little kid that had just told someone their deepest, darkest secret.

I couldn't help the laugh that came out of my mouth. She seemed slightly offended, still clinging to the entryway without a single budge.

"It's alright. I'll teach you. It's easy!" I took hold of her left hand and she grudgingly took an unstable step into the rink.

"That's it. You can hold onto the wall if you'd like to."

She nodded and quickly grabbed the wall with her right hand.

"Ice skating is just like walking, but less...demanding. You just need to learn how to move your feet and work with the ice."

I tried my best to sound assuring, but it came out more of an unsure, made-up, tutorial. I know I have heard the same words from some one before, but I just don't know where.

"I don't want to fall."

Her right hand clung to the wall with all her might, and her left hand was squeezing the life out of my right hand.

'Those words'...I thought to myself, as a distant memory came back to haunt me with carefree days...

* * *

_"Ice skating is just like walking, but it is less demanding. You must re-learn how to move your feet and work with the ice."_

_The words dripped with an assuring tone as Lukas gripped a 7 year old Emil tenderly. Emil was nothing less than a bundle of nerves._

_"I-i don't want to fall, big brother."_

_Lukas smiled and began to move slowly but surely, both hands gripping each of his little brother's arms._

_"Falling is part of the process, little brother. You only have to learn to get back up."_

* * *

"Falling is...part of the process. You just have to learn to get back up. I'll...I'll be here to pick you back up, so do not worry about falling, Sóley."

I chose my words carefully, but finally achieved the assuring tone I hoped for. This seemed to have affected her in a positive way, as she began to move her feet very slowly. She carefully planted each foot with each shaky step she took.

I held onto her hand and cheered her on with "That's it" and "Just like that" every now and then.

By the time half and hour had come and gone, she was no longer clinging to the wall, but still held my hand. Whether it was out of nerves or not, I don't know.

"This...this is fun." Sóley laughed a bit.

"See? Nothing to be nervous about." I replied matter-of-factly.

She seemed to want to tease me a little for my know-it-all statement and she let go of my hand. I went to grab it again, thinking it was accidental, but she just slid a little father ahead of me.

"Sóley..." I barely whispered. I was a little worried that she really would fall. I couldn't stand to think I would cause her pain.

But she seemed to be just fine. She turned her head a little bit, and slowed to match my pace. The grin on her face was the most prideful grin I had ever seen. I grinned in turn, and I do not know whose feet tripped whose, but I soon found myself on the icy surface of the rink with Sóley on top of me.

"A-are you okay, Sóley?" I asked, worrying about any injuries she may have just attained.

With slight pain in her voice she replied hastily; "I'm fine...Are you?"

I nodded as my face became very hot from the current position we were in. It took a while to get back onto our feet, but we decided it would be best to go grab some coffee.

We went to the bus stop instead.


	7. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer - I do not own Hetalia nor anything associated with Hetalia._

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**[The following year...15th December 1938]**

It was Sóley's birthday. I had probably gone a little overboard when I baked her a two tier cake. I had felt sorry that I was not able to celebrate her birthday with her last year, due to an important conference with Mathias that had been scheduled months in advance. She had told me it was fine, but I could still feel her disappointment.

But this year, everything was set up. I would meet her at her house, ride the bus with her to the bus stop, take her to the coffee-shop, then to the skating rink, take a stroll near Tjörnin, then take her to my house where roses, presents, and cake galore would be awaiting her. I was determined to make up for last year.

* * *

**[12:00, Sóley's home]**

I had indeed met her at her house, and much to her own amusement, she came downstairs to see me having a conversation with her father.

"There's not enough snow on the road to hinder drivers." Her father mused.

"There is not enough snow in Iceland to stop Icelanders from driving." I replied goodheartedly, earning a slap on the shoulder and a storm of laughs in return.

Her worried look quickly changed to a small smile when she realised we were talking about the weather, but unbeknownst to her, we were talking about her right before she came downstairs.

We exited her house and made for the nearest stop to wait for the bus. I wrapped my coat around her already jacket-laden shoulders, and I put my arm around her waist. She leaned into me as we walked, and we stayed like this all the way to the coffee-shop.

The day went by without a hitch.

* * *

**[18:00, my apartment]**

We arrived at my house after the day of merriment and she was overjoyed to see the display on my kitchen table. She squealed and hugged me tightly before rushing to smell the dozen red roses next to her cake.

"Emil, this is perfect, thank you so much." She looked at me with a grateful smile as I strode foward to stand next to her at the table.

"You do not have to thank me, Sóley." I put my hand on her shoulder and smiled in turn. She had me smiling so much recently.

Before I could react, her arms were around me and her head was buried in my chest. "I love you."

My face turned a bright red as I warily wrapped my arms around her gingerly. No one has said that to me in a very, very long time.

And before I knew it, the night was over.

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_Hey all you dedicated readers (and skimmers too)! I hope you are enjoying this fic so far. I wrote it ages ago, and I wrote all the chapters at the same time. So this is as far as I have gotten, but I have many ideas I wrote down for future chapters. So my plea is - PLEASE let me know if you've liked it thus far by favouriting/following/reviewing this story. I need to know if anyone actually likes it before I continue. Thank you once again for your support. :)_


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